Confessions of a Former Breastfeeding Mother of Twins

That's right, I said FORMER. I meant to write something on this much earlier, but as you all well know, time flies and all of a sudden New Year's is over and it's middle of March, geez.


But i can't just let this milestone go without a little acknowledgment.


Nursing was an experience prior to being a mother i was positive i didn't want to do. Then once i found out that i was pregnant, my thought process shifted somewhat and i decided that i would at least try it.

Knowing that we were having twins, i read A LOT on the subject. Nursing one child is daunting enough for a new mother, much less figuring out how to manage feeding two. As informed as i was, i went into this with no expectations-- i really just thought i would end up doing a mixture of both nursing and formula. But then, when my precious babies were born and it came time to start feeding them... and it just fit. I loved it. When the doctors tried to push me to supplement those first few days i was adamantly opposed. After having a c-section, it is common for your milk to take a little longer than normal to come in. Still I just knew that I would be able to make this work--I really believed that God's plan is the best plan out there and he planned it so that a mother can nourish her baby and that was exactly what i wanted to do. I wanted to be the vessel through which my little ones could grow and thrive.

I'm aware that so many mother's out there struggle with breastfeeding, but for us it was great. I'm sure our first days of success are primarily due to the fact that i had a great lactation consultant on call at the NICU. So for the first week there was almost always someone around to help guide me through the process. By the time we came home i was completely confident in what to do.

I will say that breastfeeding twins took A LOT of my time. Tandem nursing was never something i could get used to, so those first few months i literally spent 10-12 hours nursing a child. Talk about a full-time job! Time was the biggest obstacle for me in breastfeeding. I could barely get housework, sleep or errands done before the feeding process would start again. Around 4 months, i really started getting fatigued and restless...just wishing i could get some of my time back. But it was also around 4 months old that the babies started eating quicker, eating more at one time, and eating less times a day. Again...God's plan is perfect. He knows what we can handle. And from my own experience and talking with other nursing mommies, about 4 months of nursing around the clock every 2-3 hours is about our limit...just in time for babies to grow a little and change their eating habits to better suit both mommy and baby.

Of course the older the babies got, the easier nursing became. I began to really cherish that time with my babies. The baby stage flies by so fast--having that time to just hold them and look at them--it's priceless.

Weaning was a natural and easy transistion for us. I really had no plans or expectations for this as well. Especially since my babies were a little small for their age, i figured i would continue nursing until they met better met their weight goals. Around 10 months they just started dropping feedings on their own and by 12 months we were just down to one feeding in the morning.

On New Years Day I tried to nurse Nora and she wanted nothing to do with it. It's funny because the day before she wasn't too interested either and i thought to myself how soon this stage of my life would all be over. As I was feeding Holden that morning, I really tried to cherish that time--stay in the moment instead of letting mind wander about something else. I'm so glad I did. That feeding ended up being the last time I would nurse my sweet babies. They never asked for it again.

It's really such a milestone. When you get pregnant that baby is living and growing in your body. Everything that a pregnant mommy does has a direct relationship to the life and development of that child. Then after 9 months or so, we give birth and that child is separated physically from the mother. Breastfeeding still allows for some of that same bond that the mommy shared with its baby in the womb. So when a baby weans from its mommy, they are literally separating themselves from us--becoming physically independent of us.

Really, it was a little sad for me, letting them go-- but happy too because of how well they are growing and thriving--just the first of many times i know i will feel this way. ie: first day of school, drivers licenses, graduation, marriage...whew. Just one milestone at a time and one day at a time, right?