UPDATE

I really appreciate all of your prayers and concern for our friend Kalei and many of you have been asking for an update.

As of last night she has been steadily declining and her organs are now failing.  Our hearts are broken for this family and we are all in shock.  Prayers are still VERY MUCH needed--please keep praying!  We know God can provide a miracle of healing, but we also know that no matter what, He can provide the only true comfort and peace that this sweet family needs so much right now.

Being in church today was hard.  It was hard, and beautiful and real and there is no other place I would rather have been.  I teach Kalei's son in children's church.  He's a wonderful kid, full of energy, creative and has a super kind heart--a lot like his momma really.  As we were sitting on the floor writing/drawing all the things we had to be thankful for, he was so involved in the activity--telling me about all of his favorite toys, his favorite trips and his family.  My heart was screaming on the inside, all these thoughts running though my head-- how this sweet kid has no idea that his momma is fighting for her life--why does this have to happen? What is he going to be like next week if the unthinkable happens?  How is all of this gonna change this innocent little boy?   

And then I breathe.  

I know God is in control.  I don't understand.  I probably never will.  But that's okay.  Because God has a plan,  and it's for GOOD--not to harm us.  

So I breathe.  and I love this kid the best i can and i teach him our verse for today, try to ingrain it in his mind--"to be thankful in ALL circumstances, for this is God's will for you, in Christ Jesus".  I've never felt that i'm preparing/arming a child for life more than i was in those minutes.  and i don't think a child's lesson has ever taught me what it taught me today. 

and then I went to our adult church service where we sang Remain during worship.  We came to the chorus, and I look around completely moved by the emotion in the room. I've said before that i've not ever been a part of a church like this.  When we first started attending here, i was constantly in awe of the real worship in the room, the way people seemed to be moved by their love for Jesus.  Today that all came back and strong.  Everyone knows Kalei--she's been a part of this church for years, she's a rock in our body of believers and we love her--i mean we really LOVE her.  We'd just finished taking time to pray for her as a church body and we are singing Remain and the voices are strong, people's hands are lifted up to our Lord-- in a time where you'd think we'd be broken we were praising God, reaching to Him, not just singing the lyrics but MEANING them...

"When troubles come my way, 

You guide and You sustain, 

lead me, I pray. 

Forever You will be

 the great eternal King, 

Now and always." 

You are God with us

You're victorious

You are strong and mighty to save

For Your word stands true 

There is none like You

And when all else fades

You remain

Like I said.  It was beautiful.  Raw and painful.  But beautiful...and real.  

So now i sit here at home, humbled by everything I have-- my sweet husband beside me and my 2 perfect children tucked in bed, our room glowing by the newly decorated Christmas tree-- and I try to make some sense of this day, of what's happening to our dear friends, of the helplessness i feel.  and when i can't make sense of it--i do the only thing i can and turn to the Lord.