"You can calm the oceans, speak peace into my soul
take me as i am, awaken my heart to beat again.
Oh oh Jesus, oh oh Jesus, oh oh Jesus, alive in me."
91 Days. That's about how long it's taken to find some peace--to accept this is where i am called to be right now and know that we're gonna be okay. 91 days to feel like my heart has been awakened again--happy. 91 days is about how long it's taken to find our rhythm. I'm thankful to be right here though. To have made it past the beginning, to feel more settled.
The hardest time has always been our evenings. That's when i am tired and when i miss Mike the most. Tonight i cooked dinner, we all ate at the same time, i cleaned up while they played, all 3 had baths and got tucked into bed, and some other clean-up/ laundry was even mixed in there. I figured it out tonight--found the balance. It took 91 days.
The whole past month has been pretty good. I'm feeling more like me. My kids are acting like themselves. We've been having fun. We've been doing things. I still prefer to be busy. Quiet times are uncomfortable--i don't like to spend too much time in the house. I miss him there. But overall things are good. We've found a new normal. And while it probably goes without saying, i prefer the old normal, we're still okay.
3 months down. 6 more months to go. 182ish days. We got this.